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Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Having a Crush (Blush! Blush!)


I wake up in the morning thinking about you,
And a smile spreads on my lips at the thought of seeing you... And the only thing i can think about.... Is your face
I go through my wardrobe thinking which one would you like better, and then i smile to myself... As if!
Your presence is soothing, even when you are busy... You are there
I will not dare to look at you, but i can always see your silhouette, which calms me down
Without you the world seems unnervingly gloomy
When your voice draws closer, it sends a ripple of excitement.... You are here
I look at you as passively I can... But then when our eyes meet, I feel like never tearing the gaze
I try to look at you as much I can under whatever pretence I can sum up
I find excuses to take your name aloud, and when I can, a childish contentment is achieved.... Triumph
You crack a joke, and I try not to laugh (not as funny as you think mister!), but instead, I find myself hysterical, and I see you watching my reactions, 'she found that funny'... You crack some more... I look at you and smile, and try to put words
You smile wide... To the extent of laughter, and I think, 'what is behind this smile? What sort of pain... Frustration, obviously, but is there more? I want to know... I want to know every bit of it.'
Probably you sense the mood shift and get back to your work, thinking that the joke is over, your presence is not required anymore, and it is then that I want to look at you, look into your eyes.
I go back to my work... I carry on... Sigh!
And then I hear her. See her shadow standing next to you, and you talking slowly, unanimatedly.... The real you!
I see her hand on your shoulders, and you calm... It bothers
What is she talking? What does she want?
You talk quietly, mumbling something seriously, and then you smile... Your own smile, not for someone else, but because you are happy... Oh how I wish I could see that... How I wish I could have been the reason!
But I am not. I am nowhere nearby. I have no clue what is it that you feel for me, if at all noticed.
Do you know what I feel? Would you feel the same if you knew?
That's what am afraid! That's y I would never tell you this... That you are the best part of ma day, and that I'll be lost again without ur presence in it... Lost in the dark shit I came from!
So let me be... Let me enjoy you without your knowledge... Let me smile through the day... Let me giggle at my whims... Let me go to sleep with hope! That tomorrow, I'll see you...