Thursday, March 23, 2017

What Have I Lost?

What hurts me more that I still don’t know the reason behind my break up. I am still searching for the answer. Whenever, by any means, If I see her pic or hear her name, my heart still pounds. She forgot her promises and the happy moments we had. Even she forgot me too. I want to run away from her memories; I want to go away from this city. But I can’t. I am unable to do so.

I cry for her but I wipe my tears and try to move on. I wait for the happy moments. I feel I am the toughest guy in the world. I have lost a lot of things and she never cared.

It may sound weird but I have stopped believing people. I am not able to say thanks you to anybody. I am unable to fully appreciate the favor done by people around me or care shown by them. It is very frustrating, as I feel they are doing all these for something in return. I can’t help it; it makes me sad. My life has become ordinary and very much realistic. My life doesn’t motivate me at all. What I have left is few professional goals, nothing else. I don’t dream now, not for anything, except of her sometimes. I dream only to be with her again. I hope one day I will stop dreaming.

I find her memories in each of my favorite songs. I loved music, but I have stopped listening music, especially romantic ones. They are not for me now. I don’t like relationship now. It’s not like I haven’t tried to be in relationship, but I can’t fake love. I can’t accept anyone at all. Funny thing is that, after break up I had only one thing to discuss with my friends—her. I tortured few of them by talking about her. Then I realized it doesn’t make anything right. Moreover few of my friends left because of this, other thing is that I stopped picking their calls or replying their messages. I have lost friends.

I used to be a charming person, now I have lost my charm. It seems I am the most boring person on earth, no life in me. Now I can’t impress anyone, not even my seniors or my boss in office. But no worries, not a big deal I guess. No matter where I go, people ask about my marriage, even in my office. Yes, I am a bachelor and I am in the right age of marriage according to the standards of society. But I have been saying NO to my parents for a long time as I wanted to marry only her. I don’t know why still I have been saying NO. It really made my parents and close relatives pissed off and sad eventually. It breaks my heart to see their sad and humiliated faces sometimes, then I think they don’t understand me. I was in love, lol. But I can’t help it. If I marry a girl. It will ruin her life along with the relatives. I have already ruined mine. My parents have virtually disowned me. They no longer talk to me, nor do I. My life has become a mess. I have heard from my parents enough, I don’t know what has happened. I don’t know they will be the same for me. Also, I am not me what I used to be before. 

For all the losses, I blame myself. Friends have warned me, but it had to happen. I have developed a loser image. It feels like I have nothing. No one loves me, I don’t love anybody. All these are really heart breaking. I know it all but still I am helpless, I can’t do anything even after trying so hard.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Why Am I Hurt?

My friends ask why I am unable to fix myself. Why can’t I move on?

I do not have the answers.

Perhaps, it is because I was the one who kept trying to work things out and lost the individual identity. I miss myself the most.

Because we were both holding on to a rubber band and both stretching it. Only I got hurt when the rubber band broke or she let it go, as I was the one holding on to it.

I can’t move on because I was the one who had settled for her. I was more attached with her emotionally. May be I am more sensitive emotionally or may be because I feel totally hopeless or let down by luck.

I don’t know why can’t I move on.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Amit Says...(0.0029)

Love Is Black or White

People make excuses for what they have done. They know that they have lied, cheated, and given up. They say that love is not black or white. I pity them.

There are no gray areas in love. Love is always black or white, it either is or it is not. You either do or you don't. With true love, it's unconditional. It is very straightforward like yes or no. You can't pick and choose when, where, and how you are going to love another person because it's convenient with or it is convenient for you. At least you shouldn't. You should love that person at all times and all places whether you are relaxed, nervous, hassled, quiet, having a good day or bad day. It doesn't matter whether you agree with or not what they do because love is pure and without judgment.

People love a person more when they are doing "right by you" or pleasing you than when they are, say, disappointing you. Their love changes according to their mood. Loving someone in a straightforward manner means there are no uncertainties. For me, gray zones do not exist. If gray areas exist, parents also must set limits to love their children. 

You either love or you don't.