Monday, July 3, 2017

I Fucking Hate Myself!

After all these, I wished on her birthday, and I expected her to wish me! I forgot who she is! I forgot what had happened! I forgot that I am dead to her.

No one can think worse of me than I do of myself. I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me. LOL.

I fucking hate myself! 

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

The 4 A's Again

People who read my blog know that who are the 4 A’s. Past 7-8 months were very hard for me, not sure whether I am doing well now. Anyway, this time we planned for Coorg, only second in 7 years. Moreover, 23 June is my birthday. Last 3 birthdays of mine were totally damned and spoilt, and you know why. I will not forget that my days in relationship were arguably the worst days of my life and  knowing it matters more than anything in my life. Knowing that my relationship was weird was more important than knowing what I like to eat, what do I do in gym, how do I look, what is my bank balance, what I do for living, and when will I get married.

I know that I can be really happy only if I can align my life to this truth. And, friends can really help you. They can make you remember to have fun, laugh, smiles and hugs. They help you to express, have photos, and celebrate the small things. Friends make you realize that you can savor the moments and conversations, as they happen. They bring you to the reality, to remember who you are, what gift you have to offer, and what love you have to give. You are meant to give and receive more meaningful love than currently you have and you will continue to remember that and to foster as much of it as you can hold.

Nonetheless, we enjoyed to the fullest and lived to the intimacy and bonding we have. We talked a lot, made jokes, drank a lot, and ate a lot. I want to share few photos, although these are only the 10% of the photos we clicked in the green hues of Coorg.

Few photos from the trip:

Thursday, June 1, 2017


She liked a quote…

"The opposite of love is not hate. Hate is just love gone bad. The actual opposite of love is apathy. When you don't care a damn as to what happens to the other person."

This apathy hurts me more than her absence in my life.

I understood it now. She is apathetic to me and I am going to hate her forever. I will hate her without losing love, I will be angry on her without losing love.

I just wonder, can a person be apathetic to someone with whom once he/she claimed to be in love? Can that person play with their feelings or ignore them like they don't matter?

It can never happen with me.