Friday, October 6, 2017

Panchkanya of Hindu Epics: My Views

There is a Sanskrit sloka on Panchsati or Panchkanya:
ahalya draupadi sita tara mandodari tatha ।
pancakanyaḥ smarennityaṃ mahapatakanaainiḥ ॥
It means:
Ahalya, Draupadi, Sita, Tara and Mandodari
One should forever remember the panchakanya who are the destroyers of great sins
(A variant replaces Sita with Kunti)

In childhood I had heard about Panchkanya or Panchsati; they basically stand for Five Virgins. For me, they were very respectful until I came to know more about them. I am still confused why they are called so, as they were no virgins and had multiple partners in their lives. Each of them experienced a tragedy and were used by men, but battled on with time and the social order. A free-spirited Ahalya was punished for her adultery. Draupadi, who challenged and ridiculed even her husbands, had her decorum constantly sullied by men.

All of these kanyas (Ahalya, Tara, Mandodari, Sita, and Draupadi), except Kunti, lack mothers in their life and took birth supernaturally. Kunti was adopted and separated by her real mother.

Although all of Panchkanyas are described as mothers but except Kunti none of the others had any emphasized motherhood tales.

Another common part about these kanyas is that they all had lost their relatives or companion. Ahalya was cursed and discarded by her husband. Tara had lost her husband, Draupadi her sons, and Mandodari her husband, sons and relatives in war.

When I go through the literature, it seems that the Panchasatis had slept with more than one men because the society had dictated them to. It may be possible that sleeping with those people was not their will, but also, there were no evidences of their extreme hesitations or resistance. For me, it is rather remarkable that they got to sleep with multiple men and then also got credited for the same. Since then things have changed drastically. Now a day we don’t hear this type of things.

I want to talk about all the five ladies here:


The word Ahalya means who has not been ploughed. Brahma—the creator of the Universegifted this perfect beauty to a sage called Gautam to keep her safe. She was regarded as the most beautiful woman in the entire universe.

Brahma placed Ahalya in the care of Gautama. He protected Ahalya from the eyes of the world until she gained puberty and was lastly married to the aged sage. In another version, Brahma was so astonished by Gautam's wonderful willpower that at the end of the testing phase he gifted Ahalya herself to him as his spouse. 

Indra—the king of Gods, the one who would probably break through his way to the entire female population of the living world, had set his eye on this perfect lady. The king of the gods, Indra, was infatuated with her beauty. Even after the wedding, he did not give up on this woman of desires.

There are many versions of the incidents happened after this. I don’t know which one is correct. But here are the incidents:

1. Ahalya saw through the disguise; she still asked Indra to get over with it quickly and leave at the earliest. This version says that Indra comes disguised as Gautama, when the sage was away, and requests or orders sexual intercourse. Ahalya sees through his disguise, but still complies out of "curiosity."

2. Ahalya couldn't not see Indra through the disguise; however, she did not show disclosure of any kind at her accepted that it was, indeed, Gautam himself. Ahalya falls prey to Indra's deception and does not make out him or is raped.

Whatever happened was anybody's guess, but Gautam, in all narratives, cursed both Ahalya and her lover (or rapist) Indra.

Ahalya turned into a rock. Some say that she lived a life of celibacy and penance. Ahalya was cursed to become a stone and regains her human form after she is brushed by Rama's foot; and promptly resumed a conjugal life with Gautam.


Draupadi fell during the Mahaprasthan (way to heaven or swarg) because she had loved Arjun more than his brothers. Though the middle Pandava, Arjuna, disguised as a brahmin wins her in her swayamvara. Draupadi was compelled to marry all the five brothers on command of her mother-in-law Kunti.

Krishna made a law such that in the first year (which was Yudhishthira's) will be the first bed partner and all others have to take turns in a order (Y-B-A-N-S) to remain her bed-partner. Arjun was notably exiled for 12 years as he stepped inside when Yudhishthira and Draupadi were, well, not fully covered, thereby failing to adhere to the existing conditions.

If I talk in the way we talk in current situation; Draupadi had two other persons in her life. First was Karna, whom she couldn’t get anyway having a soft corner in her heart and second was the Sri Krishna as “So Called Best friends”.


Many of us know that Kunti had got a boon that she would be able to call any God whenever she felt like, and that too from Durvasa—the angriest sage. I don’t know how she managed that. As we don’t go away with the face value, even Kunti wanted to test the boon. She called Sun God first.

What happened I don’t know but Karna was born that day whom she had disposed off in the river. What type of boon it was that Kunti used to get a child every time from different Gods.

Following Sun she called Dharma, Pavan, Indra, Ashwini kumars and got sons from each gods. I believe that, as Arjuna was her favorite son, may be Indra was her favourite god.


Unlike the other kanyas, Tara was considered wise. One interesting thing is that, I just got to know that Indra or sometimes Surya (Sun) had to do things in the lives of many satis including panchkanyas. Tara had two buddies in her life—Baali (the son of Indra) and Sugriv (the son of Surya).

Tara's chronology was simple. She was married to Baali. They made a fine couple, Baali the unconquerable and Tara the wise. She frequently helped her spouse in organizational matters. Sugriv, in the meantime, was married to Ruma.

Then, one fine morning, Baali and Sugriv went out to brawl a devil called Mayavi. They struck an agreement as Mayavi entered a cave that Sugriv would remain in guard outside the cave while Baali would chase Mayavi inside.

But the things changed and Sugriva was petrified by a constant gush of strange, violent sounds that came his way from inside the cave. When the sounds did not stop, he thought that Baali was killed and placed heavy boulders at the doorway of the cave and ran away. Announcing Baali’s death he married Tara and led a desirable life. 

It is pointless to talk about, Baali was not happy when he eventually killed Mayavi, detached the heavy boulders and returned to find the events.

Sugriv in fact tried to clarify the things, but he couldn’t. So he fled. Baali not only re-acquired Tara, but also took control of Ruma.

Sugriv, after some time, came back aided with the pledge of Ram and got Baali killed. Once again Tara changed hands (along with Ruma), and this time the transfer was permanent.


Mandodari had possibly the least impressive of careers. Of the quintet, she led a simple life. She got married to Raavan, did her level best to stop Raavan in her quest of Sita and, well, with the death of Ravana, had to marry Vibhishan, had the greatest career drop in the two epics combined.

Inquisitively enough, Indra had a role to play in her life as well. Raavan was a long-time adversary of Indra, and their son Meghnad was renamed Indrajit after he vanquished Indra. Despite her husband's faults, Mandodari loved Ravana and advised him to follow the path of virtue. Mandodari repeatedly advised Ravana to return Sita to Rama, but her advice fell on deaf ears. Her love and loyalty to Ravana are praised in the Ramayana. Different versions of the Ramayana record her ill-treatment at the hands of Rama's monkey generals. Some versions say they humiliate her, while disturbing a sacrifice by Ravana, while others narrate how they destroy her chastity, which protects Ravana's life. Hanuman tricks her into disclosing the location of a magical arrow which Rama uses to kill Ravana.

Like Tara, Mandodari's husband was also killed by Ram, and she too ended up marrying her husband's younger brother. 

If you are interested in such type of topics you can visit my page Emotions and Aftermaths. You can also subscribe to the posts and for the latest updates on the website. You know it is very easy.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

The Seesaw Effect

Last night I was normal, just ate and slept. Night before that, I was contemplating my life events, it was 3 AM in night, and I was sad. I couldn’t just simply share my thoughts. I just let my insecurities rain like cats and dogs, as I always do. I couldn’t open up and say anything to anyone. No one was there to comfort me, perhaps I could be happy if anyone would provide me warmth.

Although I don’t find any real joy these days, but I don’t find anyone to share my joy, if any. I want to share my good or bad times but it just doesn’t happen anymore. I shouldn’t admit that, I have been thinking of Domfji, we are beyond repair, at least from her side. She doesn’t give a fuck if I live or die. But, she was the catalyst in my life. 

Hey! sleepless nights, stop making me feel that I need her. I am not sure what will happen to my emotions tonight, but I am sure it will be a seesaw of my emotions.

Anyway, tomorrow I will hit gym again, do legs, and whine for my legs to hurt rather than my heart. Gym is the only place where I forget everything about my life, where I don’t care about the mess I am in.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Being a Loner

I just finished a book written by Anneli Rufus titled Party of One: The Loner’s Manifesto, and I have to confess, it got my nerve! After reading this, I realized I am okay being a loner, and I like it better this way. I felt I love being a loner equally as I love peace.

What do you think? Being a loner is good or a bad thing? I know it's complicated! I wanted to write this for a long time and now I’m writing no matter what comes to my mind and trying to explain things truthfully. Whatever I am writing here is my personal thinking. 

In my opinion, being a loner cannot be good but also cannot be bad. I enjoy spending time alone as much I do with my friends. You will ask if I have friends than why a loner? So, yes as that of any one else, loners also have friends. The difference is that they have different ways of social interactions and have their own ideas. Loners enjoy reading and doing everything that interests them. Also, they have comparatively small friend circle but with higher values of friendship and trust. Nevertheless, being highly loyal they do not connect to them as others. You can call them as introverts and you will find them more rational than others. 

You will find most of the loners socially normal but some you will find mentally and emotionally exhausted due to some situations. People believe loners as freak and weird. But the thing is that they sometime isolate themselves and believe people are regularly sizing up and even they think they will be judged negatively. 

These people have a habit to mingle only with those people whom they see continuously. They feel unfriendliness or isolated even though they isolate themselves. This is very true in my case specifically. 

For example, take me; people ask me what are my plans for the weekend and I simply say nothing. Lol. For me, the sweetest thing for the end of day is to reach home and stay cool in peace, and believe me, this is the ideal way to live. It doesn't mean I do not enjoy with my friends but I enjoy too when I am alone. The other side of it is that people get you like you are just dwelling on the past and you need to get over it, don’t know why? I don’t want people or someone to feel sorry for me. 

I would say, I glad the word lonerism exists and many things that have been written on it. I hope many of my friends and the extroverts who would be able to understand how we enjoy our time alone and why we are so shy. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be alone. 

If you are interested in such type of topics you can visit my page Emotions and Aftermaths. You can also subscribe to the posts and for the latest updates on the website. You know it is very easy.

The Art of not Giving a Fuck

Although this doesn’t happen often, but whenever I wake up to reality of my life, I feel I am a loser. Usually this sense of being a loser hits me in night, when I don’t feel sleepy and think about all the bad things happened in my life. I guess this feeling has a lot to do with the loss of sleep in nights. I had a long weekend, as Gandhi Jayanti was falling on Monday this time (and thus this self-blaming post :P). 

I thought I will go out for a trip or I would die of this boredom and sense of being a loser and alone. I called few of my friends whether they have any plans. Sadly, it seems, everyone had their own plans. I knew I had nothing to do for these three days other than eating and sleeping. I used to be a loner, and I always enjoyed it. But, now the loneliness scares me. I am afraid of left out alone. I blame myself for everything, and it is the most toxic way I abuse my emotions. Every time, it amplifies my perceived inadequacies, real or imagined. I cannot even begin to move forward, it paralyzes me. The most infuriating thing is knowing that no one cares. I remember somebody badly, and I seriously don’t want to. I hit my head and cry in anger. I wish somebody could erase my all these painful memories!

I feel, I have no friends (outside the wonderful world of the internets), no life, no joy, nothing else. Basically, I am what you would call someone a "real loser." I see people talking about stuff, they are loud, they laugh, tell jokes. And I just sit here, no sense of humour, a literally boring person. I feel so fucking lonely at times with so many regrets hanging over my head. I hate myself, I hate everybody now. I feel I can’t take it anymore and I am right for doing so. No one wants me, no one wants to befriend me, a social loser. I feel this is the end, end of the story, and I can’t do anything about it.

Last night, I was so much in pain and anguish that I took things and threw, including my Bluetooth sound box. I paid more than 7k for it, only to have it gone to waste just because I just cannot get over the fact that I am nothing special, second class downright loser. If you want to know a real loser, then look no further. LOL.

Sad thing is that, I don’t feel sorry for the sound box, I guess I have been apathetic toward my stuff for a long time. Really, what is there to feel proud of myself about having expansive goodies when you are a loser anyway. I feel, I am behind everything and I cannot catch up. It's like you are behind 10 runners in a race in the middle of the final lap, and you are trying to win the race. No matter how hard you try, you just cannot, it is that plain and simple.

This is the bullshit and I am so mad that I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I felt like hurling up earlier today at how unfulfilled I feel. I try to calm myself down at some point, then it comes back to haunt me again later. I just have no hope. 

People who read my posts know that I have posted few sensible and calmer side of me. But, my frustration backfires on me and I am here posting a topic of the same nature, complaining about something you just cannot change when you should just learn to live like a big loser, suck it up and with it. No questions asked. But I just want to vent out. Please excuse me. :P

Anyway, thanks for reading my topic; however, I doubt I will get out of this miserable situation anyway. I have no hope at all and I just rot until I get adapted to live like this. May be, one day, I will be the one who does not give a fuck about whatever happened and what will happen. 

Good thing is that I still have reasons to maintain my health, look good and eat good. :P

I don’t care if the comments on this post are apathetic and cruel in nature for the sake of pouring salt to my open wound. I hope these writers feel good about themselves and then die early. Neither, I want anybody to show sympathy for me and write encouraging comments.

Perhaps, I am evolving. See I already started not giving a fuck about anything. :D :D

Where Logic is a Taboo: Part I

There are the areas of emotions where logic is taboo. People dare to speak about the reasons and the logic doesn't show its face.

I was thinking of some hypothetical situations; you can say it as "An experiment with thoughts." The situations are like this:

Situation 1: There are four dying persons in a hospital who could be saved by an organ transplant (different persons, different organ). The thing is that donor is not available, but in a waiting room, a healthy man is sitting. If we kill him, he could provide the organs needed for each of the dying patient. Doing this we can save four lives for the price of one. 

My question is, it morally right to kill the healthy man for his organs and save the lives of the other four?

I know that everybody will say no. But I want to discuss this question further that why is it wrong? For your help, let me make this question easier. Suppose the dying persons are Subhas Chandra Bose, C. V. Raman, Einstein and Mahatma Gandhi? What would you say then? Now it is right right to sacrifice a homeless beggar who has no friends or relatives?

Situation 2: Consider that in a mine explosion two persons get trapped. They can be saved but only after spending billions of rupees. What will be your conclusion if I say that the money can be spent differently for saving the lives of people who are dying of hunger. 

Is it right to leave the persons in the mine to their fate and spend the money on saving the millions of people allover the world? 

I am sure again most of us would say no. Am I right? Even I am sure that some people will say that raising such questions itself is wrong.

When I asked this question verbally to some of my friends; they went on to call me an idiot and even insane. Although some of my friends slightly agreed to my reasons but more than half of them responded emotionally and suddenly opted out of the conversation.

Situation 3: Suppose a person is carrying a nuclear bomb and it is ticking. The police start torturing him as he knows how to disable it, but he refuses to speak. Would you torture him, his wife or his innocent child to reveal the secret? What if that day would be your last day or probably the last day of your country.

Can you justify this torture?

I know some of you will verify their emotions and hurl vicious insults at anybody who is prepared to discuss such matters (in this case it's me).

Situation 4: Suppose a pregnant woman wants to abort her child. She has an absolute right to do so as baby is the part of her body, She can do anything with her body including foetus. I want to make it clear that i don't care if the foetus is fully conscious and solving Newton's unsolved theorems in the womb.

What your emotion says to you in this case. Would you discuss about the "still-inside scientist" or simply stop talking, does our discussion go to any direction? Do you think woman is wrong, her decision of abortion is wrong, wrong, wrong; abortion is crime, it's murder, stop discussing you moron?

Actually I have so many questions like these, but will come up with them in my next post. Till then you can comment here whatever you have to say.

Being a Bihari

People have a general conception about Biharis; either he can be a good and studious student or a bloody intimidating and bullying eve-teasing evil. There was a time I used to hide the truth that I am a Bihari; I was ashamed of it. People were generalizing Biharis as rapists and a source or root of all criminal activities.

People don’t know that Bihar has changed and developing at a growth rate of 11%, more than any state of India. Still I don’t think the changing Bihar is bringing any change in the people’s mindsets. People outside Bihar still use “Bihari” as a slang, especially in Delhi and Maharashtra. For them Bihari means inferior to others, an illiterate. They think that Biharis don’t know how to behave; they have no culture, no respect for others’ well being.

For an example; one of my friend likes a Bihari boy and informs her mother about it. Her mother was like, "A BIHARI!!?? He will not keep you happy; will beat you for dowry, throw you out of his house" etc. and many more. This is the image of a BIhari.

I think it is because of the image of Bihar is painted darker than it actually is. 

Recently PM Modi at Madison Square said “Indians are everywhere in the world and making India proud”. I say the same about Biharis; that are everywhere in India, in every state. Irrespective of the fact that what a Bihari does, from a rickshaw puller to a technocrat, these people have equal contribution in the development of most of the states. These are amongst the people who helped in making roads, houses, metros, railways etc. so that we could develop.

Everyone knows that Biharis are placed almost every top-notch places from cricket, administration, and politics to civil services. They are engineers, manger, doctors, businessmen, and much more. But the sad thing is that despite having all these the image of a “Bihari” remains the same. Comments of Sheila Dikshit “that these people are law breakers” and of Raj Thackeray that “ek bihari sau bimari” are like anti Bihari sentiments going on in the country, these comments hurt the locals, as being people of the same country they are discriminated. These things need to be stopped immediately otherwise it can lead to bigger consequences. I say “Ek Bihari Sau Pe Bhari” as an answer to Raj Thackeray’s comment.

I have collected some facts about Bihar and Biharis from Go through this:

1. Bihar has more number of Literate than Kerala and Tamil Nadu Combined.

2. Bihar has more number of Graduates than Andhra Pradesh and Kerala combined.

3. More Biharis are doctors than Punjab and Gujarat combined.

4. Bihar has produced more number of IAS officers than Kerala, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, Andhra and Gujarat combined.

5. More Biharis are bank probationary office than any other state.

6. More Biharis are in IIT compare to Maharashtra and Gujarat.

7. Murder rate in Bihar is half of murder rate in Mumbai.

8. Rape is Bihar is 1/10th of Delhi.

9. Number of people killed in Bihar in communal violence is 1/75th of Gujarat.

10. Naxalites in Bihar have killed less people than in Andhra Pradesh.

11. Bihar produces more wheat than Punjab.

12. Bihar is only large state where no farmer committed suicide.

13. More Bihari Girls complete Graduation than Kerala.

14. First republic in the world was in Bihar "Vaishali"

15. ‘Non-Violence’, the most enchanting thought in the history of mankind first emanated from this land of Bihar. The Buddha and Mahavira, the pioneering propagators of this idea, pronounced this solemn solution of human suffering about 2600 years ago and resonate even today to brace humanity. Bodh Gaya and Pawapuri have become symbolic places to engage to this uplifting mood.

16. Four out of the five greatest emperors in India belonged to this part, namely Samudragupta, Ashoka, Vikramaditya and Chandragupta Maurya.

17. Bihar in the ancient period was the epicenter of learning, culture and power. The city Pataliputra from this state was an integral part of Indian civilization. Bihar houses the Nalanda University, which is the world’s oldest university and had students from across the world. 

18. Three major religions of the world namely Buddhism, Jainism and Sikkhism have its root in Bihar. Guru Govind Singh was born in Patna.

19. Magadha, Vaishali, Mithila/Videha, Anga, Sakyapradesh, Vijji, and Janaka were the major kingdoms during Vedic period symbolizing Bihar being the center of trade and culture in India.

20. One of the most fertile plain of the world.

Yes, I am a Bihari and I am proud of it!

Where Logic is a Taboo: Part II

In my previous post I had some hypothetical situations where logic never works out. Emotions win every time. In this post I will try to explain why this happens, why emotion wins over logic. The thing is that at the time of taking any decision, emotions play a very crucial role. Actually even with what we believe are logical decisions, the very point of decision is perhaps always based on our emotions.

I have heard a madcap story which illustrates this point.

There was a wealthy man dating three very beautiful women. All of them were smart, lovely and talented. He was finding it very difficult to figure out which of these three women to marry. One of his friends who was considered wise advised him to give them each Rs. 500,000 and watch what they do with the money. The first woman spent the amount immediately on herself. The second lady invested the money somewhere. But, the third woman spent the money on him. Now the question is, whom do you think he married?

Any guesses? Let me tell you.

He married his secretary who had a surgically enhanced breast. Got the point?

Okay, let me explain you the same think in a different way. Think of any situation where you believe that you can argue with your concrete facts, ideas, reasons and logic. There is no way the other person could say no to your perfectly constructed argument. Saying no to you is impossible as you think that there are no other logical solution or answer against you.

But then some other person comes who did not get persuaded by your logic. He dug in his heels and refused to dislodge. Were you shocked? Of course you will be bewildered and stunned. The thing is that you can’t win an argument with facts, it’s all emotions because decision-making isn’t logical. You can only make them realize that what should be right or what is beneficial for them but ultimately they will decide on the basis of their self-interest (and that’s emotional). I want this; I am like this. This is good for me and my side and so on.

I have a personal experience, Let me explain you this.

Recently I bought a bike (Yamaha FZS). When I was at the dealer outlet, my intent was to have a sparkling new bike. I had my priorities at the beginning. Initially I was leaning towards a fuel-efficient bike. It might be possible that I was concerned about money and future investment. The thing was that I want a vehicle, which can accompany me on my daily commute. Suddenly my eyes were caught by some another motorbike. The bike’s colour and graphics attracted me; my heart skips a beat. Now I started thinking how happy my girlfriend will be when she sees this beauty or how I and she will look while riding it. And suddenly my priorities vanished. I decided this is the bike I must have. Who needs those bikes that are used by elderly people? I am young; I should have this bike (Yamaha FZS).

So in a persuasion, I think we should have a balance between emotions and logic. When dealing with people, you are not dealing with a creature of logic, but with a creature of emotion who is motivated by pride and vanity.

Logic is good where there is no emotion. Even without emotions you can’t be logical; you can’t take decisions.

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