The Other Side…

I guess many of us once in life think that why u dint do that and why u did that…..if u would have done that things might have different….I am not talking about a particular incident but about many small thing which would have brought many bigger changes in your life…

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I know that I have had a habit of being very pliant  or meek….from very beginning I did not do the thing I wanted to…also I am in a habit of being impressed very easily by anything..it may be a person or a thing or intelligence of anything…At a time I think to do something and then the second time I refuse to go ahead…I don’t know why I make the things very complicated…why I don’t do things on one go…

People say from very beginning I was very docile….don’t know why I was/am like that….what made me like that…why?? Sometimes I hate myself….many times I came across the people less talented than me often regarded as a bright star around…I don’t know how to express…But yes by writing I can say what I want to…but that too after going through a round of all possible cons and pros…should I shouldn’t I ???

In childhood also the same thing…I never talked confidently with my father…I could not ask anything from him….I could not tell what I liked, what I don’t like…and still the same thing..but I guess not that much worse…anyways I don’t want to share much here about my family…I think it won’t be good…what I am today all because of my family…

I have had heard about something called the Reactive Attachment Disorder… (which can be caused by something as simple as being raised by more than two people)…..As up to 6 or 7 years I used to live with my maternal grandfather, I think this has pretty much impaired my ability to connect well with my family…

Emotions are the language of the heart… and I guess I don’t know this language.. I don’t know how to speak and how to understand…. I never shared my feeling with anyone other than my brother …not just… I think I shared even all the details my days….. I miss him…wish I could talk to him..:( 

It might be possible that I failed to understand or recognize the emotions behind my family members’ words and actions….I failed to show compassion and empathy … but now I can understand all these as I got all the wisdom and maturity…I do feel the difference… I feel the new energy toward a deeper relationship with the family….

Whatever has happened I know there was a lot of love for me always from my family… I might even forget about all the things as time goes by…. Also, I may even remind myself once I get older by saying, "what the hell was I thinking?" …..J'aime ma famille.. famille est toujours.. Je ne peux vivre sans mu faimly.. Family is not an important thing, it's everything….